Procreating Right Now is Unwise. That Does NOT Make Parents Unwise People.

Earth is undergoing its sixth mass extinction. Fine. Drought, famine, heat stroke. Great.

So why bring more life onto a failing planet? Doesn’t that just bring more suffering? In a hot take on my Instagram story, I admitted I wanted to start a family, but said Jack and I knew “it’s devastatingly unwise to procreate at this historic junction”. Multiple truths can exist at once. Birthing more humans right now, during political and social turmoil in our country, while the end of a geologic era plays out in a string of increasingly violent natural disasters, resource scarcity, and armed conflict, is, objectively, unwise. But birthing a desperately wanted, eagerly awaited son or daughter is also the most beautiful thing in the world, the most fragile, tenuous, labored, worthwhile, humbling, fulfilling endeavor a woman (and yes, a new father, too) can undergo. Both are equally “true” sentiments.

There’s never been a historically “convenient” time to have children. Warfare is as old as humanity. Plagues and epidemics occur with regularity. Resource-scarce (or, more honesty, resource-robbed) countries have pushed ever onward, somehow supporting a population in perpetuity. I think it’s ultimately brave for new parents to step forward and fill the roles that have played out before them, bringing the next generation into fruition. Unwise still, yes. But that’s society’s fault. Not the fault of the individual. I don’t “blame” anyone for wanting to start their own family as it’s naturally, intuitively, evolutionarily the most highly sought-after life goal for billions of people. The ONLY true objective of life is to propagate more life. It’s hardwired into our DNA. All the same, this is why I have so much rage against society.

America, wake the fuck up. Please. Pardon my French, for anyone easily offended. We have historically emitted more CO2 than India OR China. We don’t get a free pass on our past emissions. Carbon dioxide from the 1920s is still warming the planet today. We, the USA, also has the highest per capita carbon footprint of any nation. It’s grotesque. It’s disgusting that we’re so heavily dependent upon fossil fuels, so lazy. So entitled. Why do we sit idly by allowing the world to fall apart?

I have a lot of rage toward the modern day “Republican” Party. They coalesce around their anti-abortion stance while conveniently ignoring the fact that climate change will kill their kids if gun violence doesn’t wipe them out first. Literal cadavers have more bodily autonomy than living human women, according to the policies of what I like to call the Regressive Party. If you don’t check the “organ donor” box on your license, legally NO ONE can touch your body after your death. Even if you were the only match for a transplant patient, no one could compel your next of kin to give up your organs. Meanwhile, FORCED PREGNANCY, WHICH IS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, IS NOW PERMISSIBLE IN SOME PARTS OF THIS BACKWARDS COUNTRY. Sure, let’s let incestuous raping fathers knock up their 12-year-old daughters, then force them to give birth to their own sibling. Yeah, that happens sometimes. Sounds VERY HUMANE, this complete and utter lack of exemptions for rape, incest, or medical complications. What absolute sick bullshit.

I find it really deeply disturbing when men force women to gestate their unwanted sperm. I think men who force women to complete a pregnancy against her will are insecure and uncomfortable in their very souls. They need to ban abortion because they sense no woman would ever willingly carry their fetus to term. I wish these men would get convicted for their sexual crimes and perversions, get locked up in prison. Too bad white men especially almost never have to serve time for the crimes they commit against women. When I was 16 years old reading the Handmaid’s Tale, I had sincerely believed it to be fiction. Now, at 29, I recognize that I live in a hellish nightmare of a nation, one that views women like breed stock, less human than a corpse. I thank the Creator every day that I have Jack. I have never been pregnant in my life. Never had to make the decision to have an abortion. Now I never will, because if I ever find myself with child, I will be glowing with love and joy knowing it is the long-awaited, beautiful, precious gift bestowed upon me by my favorite human of all time, my husband Jack.

Seeing families with 10, 12, dear Lord, 20+ kids and counting is, admittedly, a bitter pill for me to swallow. The parental hubris alone. In my experience, it’s somehow the folks with the MOST children who are also the most apathetic to our degrading, destabilizing natural environment. My family, by contrast, is small, dwindling, and hyper-conscious of our entire Western way of life spiraling out of control, unsustainable and crumbling. My older sister decided years ago she didn’t want children. Too much money, too much responsibility, too little freedom, too many potential complications with her health. All very sound, solid reasons. But that means it’s literally up to Jack and I to carry on “the bloodline”. I shudder to think of my nuclear family just . . . quietly . . . “going extinct”. I have no living grandparents. Once my parents are gone, it will only be my sister and I, and our respective partners. No new family members. No firsts with a new baby, a growing child. To me, it sounds lonely and a little boring.

I can be both supportive of parents who wish to bring new life into the world (however unwise it is thanks to our shitty society destroying the one and only planet we have to live on) AND supportive of women who wish to terminate their pregnancies. I can stoke a tiny flame of hope for starting a family of my own while having huge fears and doubts about it.

Endless hypotheticals circle in my brain. What if my son or daughter resents me for bringing them into conflict, knowing how bad it would get? I should hope they righteously cuss me out. What if they loathe me for the grief and struggle more than they love me for whatever sweetness in life I can give them? I am a flawed woman. I am physically weak and emotionally exhausted. What right do I even have to attempt mothering? And for some reason, my heart keeps whispering that I can do it. That I’ll find the strength and endurance. Maybe it’s just my ovaries whispering.

The bigger obstacle is my own husband. Jack insists that he’s “not opposed” to children, but that’s not the same as wanting them. It’s certainly not enthusiasm. I don’t want to force him to assume a role he’s reluctant to take, even though I’m convinced he would rise to the occasion and soar. He has assured me he would stand by me through anything and everything, upholding our vow to love each other unconditionally and whole-heartedly. But his rationality is stronger than my own. Curse these hormones! Curse my ticking “biological clock”! It’s as futile as raging against the sun.

Anyway, shout out to all the new parents who have undertaken the role of child-rearing in a truly wild, lawless, biologically unraveling time. Eager parents make excellent parents. There is nothing more beautiful than two humans actively participating in the raising of new life. You are brave. You are strong. I’m sorry this country cares more about convenience in travel and work, cares more about guns staying in the hands of abusive white men, than it does about the safety and welfare of our offspring.

If I could single-handedly change our cultural priorities to be those of education, healthcare, nutrition, affordable housing, and jobs formed through the renovation and reconstruction of our infrastructure, I would. That’s why I vote blue. Not because I’m a “Democrat” but because I believe we need to progress to the new world. We need to shed the old world. I, for the life of me, do. not. understand why conservatives want to conserve the fucked up culture we’ve been clinging to. It’s time to let go.

We need to change everything if we want to give our next generation a fighting chance.