Changing Seasons, Changing Professions

Alas, it is September 30th! It has been a full three months since last I wrote for this personal blog. I can definitively say that rest periods, particularly for ME during the unbearably hot summer months, are utterly essential to maintaining my well-being. I’m still as angry as I’ve ever been over Republicans withholding life-saving reproductive healthcare from people like me of roughly my age, but now that we’re entering the dark winter months, I think my tone will shift to sadness rather than rage. Without the sun to solar charge me, I won’t be able to sustain the blaze of fury that strengthens with the long, bright days. It may become tradition to “vacation” during July and August. Perhaps even June. It depends on how many more losses of freedom American citizens (you know, the ones with uteruses) endure and how well I can keep myself either silent or well-articulated. At any rate, I’m glad I took time away.

I’ve been writing this blog for about a year, since July 2021. It had ambitious beginnings. I wrote two blogs per months at first. Then in the New Year of 2022 I dropped it down to one per month. I think this pace is sustainable and worthy of a summer vacation. Visitation to this site is low (I like it that way) and page clicks on this personal blog are even lower, giving me a public space relatively free of judgement to make observations and share personal experiences.

The company I used to work for had to close its doors after six years in operation. I found out about the closure in early August and by August 31st collected my final paycheck. I am no longer an Environmental Compliance Specialist and I no longer assist local cannabis farmers through the permitting processes at the state and county level. Nineteen months of the coolest, chillest professional job I’ll ever hold. It was a great team of (mostly) women and one, sometimes two, men. The team is what I miss the most. The jokes, the blend of talents, the high-quality work we all cranked out toiling in tandem. I’m glad we’re all friends enough to still seek out time for gatherings, away from the office. We didn’t say a hard good-bye, but on most days, it feels like we did.

I’ve been job-hunting this month of September. And let’s be honest: I’ve been sleeping a TON. Every day I’ve been unemployed, I’ve slept in. I’m talking 9:30, 10:00 a.m. And I go to bed pretty early, too! Around 10:00 p.m., usually. The sleeping has probably been my favorite part of losing my job, but the job-hunting has proven itself fruitful!

I was offered a Conservation Planner position, which works with the Natural Resources Conservation Service (NRCS) under the management of the Trinity County Resources Conservation District (TCRCD, sometimes RCD for short). It would have been a great fit for me, working with private landowners to fire-harden their properties, mainly by thinning hazardous fuels on their properties. Three women and one man interviewed me. If it hasn’t been made clear from all of my other posts and my overarching feminist attitude: I love working with women. An office full of women, in my personal experience, almost by default feels more productive and peaceful. Working for three moms at Trinity River Consulting (TRC) meant my needs as a human were always recognized, and there was enough compassion and empathy to reassure me that we are not robots and that some days would be more productive than others. This same point was emphasized by the team at RCD. We are all human, and our goal is to mesh well together to achieve common goals. It was a slam dunk.

My interview for the Associate Planner position with Trinity County was an entirely different story. The interview went well overall although the interviewers couldn’t give me a clear description of what the job responsibilities actually were. We stared awkwardly at each other as I clumsily tried to decipher WHAT exactly I’d be doing. Turns out it has nothing to do with the General Plan or with Planning in the broader context, but would focus on reviewing CEQA documents for cannabis farmers. Great! I wrote MANY CEQA Environmental Checklists, a good percentage of which have been successful and have resulted in licenses issued to clients that are good for five years. The real problems started when it was my turn to ask questions at the end of the interview. I wrote down what happened as best as I could after the fact. The quotes are not exact, but rather approximations and summaries. Behold:

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September 14, 2022 approximately 10:00 a.m. in the basement conference room of the Trinity County Courthouse. MEGAN is being interviewed by ED PRESTLEY, SKYLER FISCHER, and DREW PLEBONI.

The interview questions have concluded. ED PRESTLEY (Interim Acting Director) invites MEGAN KILLEEN to ask questions about the Cannabis Planner position. Megan asks about funding, workplace dynamics, and safeguards in place to prevent workplace harassment, discrimination, and retaliation.

Megan: How exactly is this position funded? We’re $6 million in the hole and I’m just wondering where the money is coming from.

Ed: It’s from the General Fund and from state funding.

Megan: Okay. I’m familiar with grant-funding. The other two positions I’m interviewing for are also grant-funded organizations. And I’m familiar with the financial instability in the sense that the private enterprise I worked for went out of business and the federal government with semi-regularity shut down for weeks at a time. I just wanted to clarify how the position is bankrolled.

Ed: General Fund and state grants.

Megan: Okay, so how would you describe the work environment overall? What has your experience been?

Drew: Well, I’ve only been here for a few months, but I was impressed when I got here. It seems to work really well and is very dynamic. I’ve been very happy as part of this team.

Skyler: I’ve had a lot of cannabis projects dropped onto my plate even though I’m just a general planner. And that’s because there is no cannabis planner, currently. So, I’ve had to work closely with the Cannabis Division to analyze these projects and make determinations. I’d say it’s been a good working relationship so far.

Megan: All right, and I’m assuming that this board is standing in Mr. Connell’s stead today. Has he left for paternity leave?

Ed: That’s off-topic and I’m not going to answer that question. I am here today because it’s my responsibility to hire this position and my decision on who fills it.

Megan: I’m just asking because I’m going to be working for someone I’ve never met and who isn’t here to interview me. I have no first-hand experience with Director Connell, and I appreciate your viewpoint Drew, but you are a male person and I am a female person, so we have different perspectives. I’ve heard that female consultants have had markedly different interactions with the Director. He has never been described as hostile toward women, but something more toward annoyance. It was his practice to refuse to meet with consultants for the last several months. I’m wondering if the county enforces anti-harassment and anti-retaliation policies.

Ed: We follow county policies.

Megan: But do you enforce them?

Ed: We follow the policies.

Megan: Right, but I’m asking if you enforce them, which is different.

Ed: This line of questioning has strayed and is completely off-topic. You’ve come to me looking for work and you’re asking these questions! We’re discussing the job. This is about the job.

Megan: Well of course it’s about the job. It’s about the work. The work needs to get done. But it’s also about the people, and how the team functions. I’ve been working on the other side, on the silent side, where I never even had the chance to meet Director Connell, and I’ve heard mixed-bag reviews on how he interacts with women like me. So, I wanted to know if you enforce anti-harassment and anti-discrimination policies.

Ed: And I told you yes, we do. We do enforce them. And because this line of questioning is not about the job, this interview is over.

Megan: That’s really disappointing. Your answer could have been gentler and less defensive. I’m asking these questions because I want to feel safe and secure in my workplace, and to feel like I’m being valued as an equal member of the team. I meant no offense. I’m sorry I’ve offended you. Good luck hiring. I hope you have many good candidates to choose from.

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So, needless to say, I will not be working for the Good Ol’ Boys Club of Trinity County. The most frustrating part is that Connell recently sent out a “LICENSEING COMPAIRISON” fee study. And yes, I had to write that in all-caps because Squarespace keeps auto-correcting to “Licensing Comparison” which is how it is properly spelled. Now, I don’t begrudge people who can’t spell. Spelling isn’t the only indicator of intelligence, and I know plenty of brilliant humans who simply can’t spell complex English words. They are still excellent workers and make valuable contributions. But it is my firm belief that people who cannot master the written form of their native language do not deserve to hold power and make weighty decisions over other people’s lives. Smart people who can think in complex, systematic, interconnected ways deserve to hold power. And smart people, even when they make spelling mistakes, are able to see the red squiggly line underneath the misspelled word(s) and make corrections.

I should be holding Ed or Sean Connell’s jobs. But a county that cannot collect revenue cannot hire and pay people for their work. The county is a sinking ship and if Jack and I have to move away due to the dysfunction and misogyny, we will. There are many escape routes we may yet take.

All of this is to say that the third and final interview was my “Goldilocks” moment. After my FIRST EVER lunch interview, I was offered a position crafted to my unique talents and skill-sets. I was head-hunted! It happened. I’m talented! This upcoming Monday, I will begin working as an Executive and Program Support Associate for a natural resource management non-profit that I will keep unnamed for my own safety. I will report directly to the Executive Director and I will produce various written products (newsletters, reports, environmental compliance documents, blogs, etc.) for all twelve resource management programs operated by the company.

Now is a great time to write this disclosure: “The postings on this site are my own and do not represent the organization’s positions, policies, strategies or opinions.” To re-iterate: this right here, “Climate Grief in the Digital Age” is a PERSONAL blog. These sentences have come directly from my brain. I speak for no one other than myself. This holds true for all of my public writing. When I exercise my freedom of speech, I am acting as an individual citizen, NOT as a representative for my workplace.

Gosh, I remember doing all this when I still worked for the NPS. Even though I have a miniscule readership, I just want to hammer hard that the fiery writing I expel onto these webpages serves as a catharsis, nothing more. These are not policy suggestions, they are not calls to action, and they serve only my own ends as I learn to cope with collapsing biodiversity, scorching heat, and the violent breakdown of society.

All’s well that ends well. I have a new job. The work culture is healthy and vibrant, and the shimmering vision of a sustainable stewardship economy aligns with my future goals for this massive, forested mountain range. I’m even getting a small raise! I’ll be working out of my old office, so my commute and routine will remain unchanged. The team will be new, but I’m looking forward to making new connections and completing new projects. It’s helpful to remember that change is inescapable and that chaos can provide us with opportunities to envision, shape, and enact the future we want to see. Nothing stays the same, and that means everything can always get better. Onward and upward, dear readers.